June 29, 2018
And another month nearly in the books. So many catch phrases, common expressions – metaphors, similes – even analogies out there about time – the passing of it in “the blink of an eye”, “before I could turn around” “right before my very eyes”. Or the feeling of “being on a roller coaster” (or hamster wheel), “spinning out of control”, having it “slip away like sand through our hands…” Sometimes its wistful thinking, reflecting on time gone forever. Often that realization of lost time is frustrating, sad and anxiety building. Sometimes its an accounting of so much joy, thrills, love – the stuff memories are made of. And even often a reconciling of fears overcome or still directing our actions.
Being retired has birthed for me a fluidity of the swirling, floating, boundless aspects of time. For the record, I have a fairly rigid personality, have always been goal and production oriented and I love and thrive in a structured environment. For years I have not had to use an alarm clock to wake up and even though I haven’t worn a watch for a decade, can still usually guess the time within a ten minute range. These are often great traits yet as well can be glaring character defects. Having an unstructured day in retirement – well, it’s disconcerting!!! I find myself still having a “to do” list, a dreams to fulfill mentality and an attitude of how to make best use of my “free” time. And what is happening is that I am cramming my days so full that sometimes I think I will make myself silly! Over the years when I felt overwhelmed with my commitments, I would stop and reevaluate – and most often confirm that I would make the choices again – and then continue on my way. I am trying to do the same now – yet even though I have the same number of hours in the day as I always have (and that we all do) – I experience days when I believe that I have never been as busy in my life!! This is of course, THE THEME of my life – ask my family or anyone who knows me. Other days I realize that I have all the time in the world, so many choices and that I really don’t have to do anything. And sometimes I alternate back and forth – that’s where the swirling comes in. Like a hand glider, I realize that I need to learn to ride the wind, though I’m spending a lot of time launching and landing… And of course, I pray for guidance, though I am still trying to figure out how to interpret the answers.
And so it goes. I can give you an accounting of all of the miles that I walked in the last twelve days (63), how many times I hit the gym (not enough at 3), daily devotional sessions (8 with some double ups to get current), the number of girlfriends I arranged walks with (3), volunteer meetings (3), appointments (1), meals, grocery shopping, laundry and cleaning – uh, a little more vague – I do those when required as I swirl along. And then there are the new vistas enjoyed and unfamiliar avenues encountered, amounting to several. I even saw some owls in a tree!
AND THEN THERE WAS THE BIG THING!!!! It started out with some secret planning by a couple of young men and a flight to San Francisco. I found some new streets and vistas there, too!
A contrived “family” meet up of my thoughtful, brilliant son, my beautiful and vibrant daughter and her awesome, clever beau started with complicated logistics, some rush hour traffic to Sonoma, dinner at a weird place (we concluded that it was their goal to alienate us) and a late night to bed at a cute Airbnb that we wished we could have enjoyed longer. But alas, it was an EARLY rise and shine to meet the HOT AIR BALLOON people at 6:00 a.m. There were struggles leading to accomplishment AND THEN THERE WAS THE BIG THING!!!!!!! Well first, Darrell’s family of parents, two brothers, their wives and three babes in tow also arrived at the meeting place. AND THEN, THE BIG THING!!!!! DARREL PROPOSED TO LINDSEY AND SHE SAID, “YES”!!
It was wonderful to share her surprise as family and to see and feel the LOVE all around. Now I could really get going on the cliches about babies growing up but this blog is too long and I have cried enough – for now. It was a festive and fun rest of the weekend starting off with a bucket list hot air balloon ride, which was more amazing than I had ever imagined, followed by wine tasting and an incredible dinner in an eclectic market restaurant. More family time and breaking bread continued on Sunday and Monday found me home again, home again, jiggidy jig. Ahhh – Life. Love. And the passage of time. And tears.